この彼女の海外ファッションDiaryデス

p

Sat, 30 Apr 2011 19:09:37 +0900

It has been such a long long while since I last touched this blog.

Just watched some clips of w-inds 10th anniversary concert and performances from their live tour last year. I was overwhelmed with emotions I can barely explain. I know it may be imcomprehensible to some, how an idol group can even have such impact on anyone. But it is not just an idol group. This sounds silly, even by my own standards, but I feel like I have grown and matured with them. As they sang songs which I've once listened to on a daily basis, I could feel the adrenaline rush and see memories of my teenage years flash by.

When Keita struggled to sing the song winds debuted with through his tears, I felt an inexplicable wrench in my heart. Whether it was sadness, nostalgia, happiness, or whatever that stimulated that feeling is way beyond me. I have the slightest suspicion that it could because it has suddenly come clear to me that my teenage years are indeed over. That me, w-inds, and Keita, we are no longer who we once used to be. Those naive, guileless thoughts which we once entertained are indeed history.

I remember how I used to wonder what I would be doing when w-inds celebrate their 10th anniversary. And here I have it, this day has materialized...

Comfortably torn

Mon, 13 Sep 2010 16:42:32 +0900

Stayed ar home, and realised, that I'd rather be in the office working and sulking than stoning at home while waiting for time to pass.

I feel like my life is finally heading somewhere. Still not sure where exactly, but time will tell, I'm sure of that.

Goosebumps

Sat, 28 Aug 2010 17:21:24 +0900

みんなさん、おさしぶりです!

私は良いニュースの一部をあります!
何でしょう?

大学の試験に合格!
私は2年目の学生になりました!
過去数カ月間、私は試験結果を心配けど、今安心です。

んんん。。。

それたけ。。

じゃ、またね!

Worse feeling ever

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 11:52:48 +0900

Just checked my mail and realised that my results are out. Unfortunately, I need to have my SRN and student number before I can view them and I've left them at home. So this is like, the nightmare before christmas. Literally. I am not referring to the cartoon.

There are a gazillion thoughts and possbilities swimming in my mind right now. As much as I try to console myself that I probably fared mediocrely well, no actually, I really have no idea how I've fared.

This is the worse feeling ever. I've been waiting for this day all months and now that it is here, I am scared out of my wits. Not helping that the thunder is roaring outside. What an ominous sign.

The unspoken rule

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:32:14 +0900

Some people just have no tact, no manners, no consideration.

How is it possible for someone to act without thinking about how her actions will reflect on her upbringing? Oh, maybe she has no brains to speak of.

I feel like an oak tree whose privacy has been invaded by a wriggling fat hideous worm.

I don't think I am being childish by harping on it, because honestly, how would YOU feel if it is your privacy that has been robbed. So stop telling me to stfu.

And you do not make a fucking outsider feel better at the expense of your own family member. Please get your priorities right.

Oh, if you really do care about her, maybe you should ask her to give her future some serious thoughts because if she floats around like that, she is gonna be as much of a failure as you.

Lol, the phrase "birds of the same feather flock together" is so apt in this context.

Moving on to something else. Reading my old entries from blogspot.com, I think I've really grown and matured as a person. I think I was too eager to prove myself to the world in the past so much so that I may come across as a brat. No, I was a brat, I suppose I am still a brat, just not as bad as before, I hope.

I know this sounds superb-ly ridiculous, but Japan(in terms of culture) has changed me. In my behavior, in the way I look at things,..etc.

名もなき詩

Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:49:42 +0900

My favourite Japanese rock band has definitely got to be Mr. Children. Partly due to their hot vocalist, Kazutoshi Sakurai.

This is the first song I heard from them, and it has remained my favourite since.

Sakurai's hotness is way too distracting.

私の大好きのロックバンドは絶対Mr. Childrenです。
桜井和寿さん超カッコイイ、声も良い!
Mr. Childrenから聞いて、最初の曲は<名もなき詩>です。
今まて、この歌は、Mr. Childrenから一番大好きの歌だよ!

道標はない。。

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 15:07:20 +0900

Have you ever questioned yourself if you are trying to be someone else you are not?

I did, I just did actually.

And I was stumped. Left utterly speechless.

How am I suppose have answers for that when I don't even know who I really am?

For the past 2 decades, I guess really have only been living up to my own expectations of what the society/parents deem as appropriate(aside from going almost blonde). I've really just bummed around for my entire life up till now, and have only barely made it past every obstacle that stands in my way. So here I am, neither a failure nor a winner. Neither here nor there. Stranded in an intersection of a junction.

It's not like I haven't felt like this before. I have, too many times. But I've always brushed it off, thinking that I am still young and have a whole lifetime to think about it.

Unfortunately, time spares no one. As much as I hate to admit, I will officially be an adult in 2 months' time and I have to make plans for my future. I am not the live-in-the-moment or take-things-as-it-comes kind of person. It deeply unsettles me if I do not analyze my options ahead of time and make a decision beforehand.

Time is closing in and I do not know what I want, who I want to be, who I am.

Perhaps the only consoling thing is that, I know that I HAVE to get out of Singapore, and I NEED to live my life in Japan. How that will happen is something I have yet to figure out.

So again, I am going to push all these insecurities to the most isolated part of my mind and pretend that I am free of worries.

And I don't know if I should be happy or sad that I am so good at pretending that I am convinced myself.

やっばり

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:44:56 +0900

It is when you think you have the best time of your life that the world comes crashing down again.

They say, live and enjoy the Present. But how is that possible when there is a Future to fret over.

知らないのことは本当に怖いだよね。。

Issei Sagawa is the new panda!

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:27:20 +0900

Ok, my right eye is really irritating the fuck out of me. I think its the time of the month when my contacts expire and I am supposed to change them. But its ok, they say, no pain no gain right? So I wonder what I am gonna gain from having lived with a dry right eye for 4 days in a row.

I felt very strongly about growing up and suddenly aging into an old lady this morning but I've lost that feeling and now I am feeling all youthful again. I am forever 18 so if anyone brings up anything about turning 21, I swear I will be Issei Sagawa no.2.

OMFG I NEED TO PUKE! I WAS FEELING FUCKING HUNGRY JUST NOW, FAMISHED EVEN, BUT IM FULL WITH DISGUST RIGHT NOW.

Initially, I wanted to insert a picture of Issei Sagawa here just to prove my point for the above statement. So as much as I hate having to save the picture into my PC before uploading it, I went ahead and google for his images. As I clicked on "Images", it suddenly occurred to me that pictures of the half eaten corpse may show up on my screen, but I thought, hey, but my filter is switched on right...? OH HOW WRONG WAS I! It doesn't even matter because before I could even regret my actions, I saw the fucking corpse with a missing breast and there was something about the face, but my natural reflex was to click on another tab while gasping for air.

The tab is right next to this tab I am blogging on. I'm half tempted to click back and slowly analyse the corpse. But I am scared....

Will a kind pretty Japanese boy please give me some courage and comfort please?

Norwegian Wood

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:52:11 +0900

Watching this teaser just made my day, mainly because this means that the movie will be out in no time.

I know, I'm not a movie person but this is a movie I just HAVE to watch. Its like Harry Potter, I can't not watch it.

Hopefully the movie will be as good as the book, but from the looks of the teaser and cast, nothing can go wrong. If it all turns out badly, at least I can catch my favourite japanese model in action.